she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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