u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
