Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
