i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
