you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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