I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
