I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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