he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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