Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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