Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just gargled with NyQuil
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
