I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
