I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
