So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
