I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
