Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
