There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
