I think I died a long time ago.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
