so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize