i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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