This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just found puke in my bra..
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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