I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
