glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
