i think i have herpe
just one?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
