Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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