nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
