why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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