it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
