That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
you had me at cake vodka
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
