And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
