I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Randomize
