omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
