...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize