i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
