I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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