She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
