didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
