god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
