You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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