before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
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