Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
