He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
