ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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