Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
