he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
