Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
