you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You left your underwear on the fireplace
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
