she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
