If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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