I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
