The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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