Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
