i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
this beer tastes like vomit already
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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