wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize