I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
