I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
