I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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