thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
