I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
