Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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