I love black thongs
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
