So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
