I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
