Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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