So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
