I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
