4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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