So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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