love makes seman taste better
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize