We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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