Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
