This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
