are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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