hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize