dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
