Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
