dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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