Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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