brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize